The Next Event Comic

[DeSelby]

(08-20-2011 10:50 AM)CatchTuTu Wrote:  Please. Chip Dip is a total Tex Salsa rip-off. Also, Goatee Lad was apparently reborn as Retro Chic in last year’s (completely lame) Last Eternal Problem in Forever Time: Hyper-Flux Revenge Squad tie-in. You know, the one with that infamous final panel involving Cod the Ultra-Phish?

No, Goatee Lad was killed in the third part of LEPFT by the Conformist Committee. Then they took his Goatee of Justice and put it inside of Retro Chic, who is actually a cyborg vessel for the soul of the Berlin Wall (the bit that Hasselhoff sang on).

(08-20-2011 10:50 AM)CatchTuTu Wrote:  Christ, has G. G. McPhee ever written a book where a beloved Tin Age character didn’t get decapitated or raped? And I still can’t believe how they butchered The Cut-Up Kid (literally and figuratively) in that whole mess. What happened to fun comics?

But haven't you figured out that this is what McPhee does? It's his whole M.O.
Build up a crazy story, throw in a few second-string characters to kill off, so you can give the lame Big-Bad some cheap heat, completely screw around with the continuity then promptly drop the story, move onto another book and let some poor D-list writer try to make sense of what's left of the characters and gingerly move the book back to its status quo.

That's what happened to Ricky LeMortang when he took over Grandma Squad after McPhee's diabolical run.
People can critisize LeMortang all they want, but he was under serious pressure to bring back the main characters, and even though "Return to Evermount Retirement village" wasn't a great story, he did the best he could with what McPhee left him to work with.

But of course Ricky gets all the flack, while McPhee gets called a genius for using vague techno-babble and half-baked philosophy. Yeah, we get it, you've read Plato.

If things keep going on like this, I'm going to take all the money I spend on comics and spend it on cigarettes instead.

[chudleycannonfodder]

(08-20-2011 10:30 AM)CatchTuTu Wrote:  Sigh, until then, I guess I’ll just go reread my old copies of The Purple Pros and remember how it used to be when comics were actually good.

Christ, I’m so lonely.

Please, Purple Pros? People were able to read that dreck? All that comic was was the writer going "Look at me! I'm such a good writer. Check out all these text boxes I'm going to drop all over the page." Any writer that covers MacGhul's artwork of boobs should have their writing tablet taken away. First, how could you desecrate his art like that, and second, that's way too many words; it takes an hundred words to cover up the giant knockers he draws! Seriously, I just want to see MacGhul draw ta-tas that are just about to burst out of a corset; that's what I'm paying $3.99 a month for. It's not like I could find pictures of fun bags like that on the internet or anything. And who cares if Purple Pros was originally a series for six year old girls; if I'm reading it I demand giant shakers. Those girls can go find some other comic to read if they can't handle Triple-D skin sacks.

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[DocMercury]

(08-20-2011 09:46 AM)chudleycannonfodder Wrote:  

(08-20-2011 09:31 AM)DocMercury Wrote:  Hey, does anyone know when Kirk McGorester's next issue of Garbage Gill: Cesspool Snorkeller is supposed to come out? It's been six months since the last issue in what was supposed to be an ongoing. Now it's a two-issue miniseries? WTH?!! What happened to the McGorester that revived Ignatius Rockwell, Molten Millionaire? the final issue, where Rockwell finally revives his imaginary sidekick Spitball, had me on the edge of tears. That was excellent writing, though the art from "Snarky" Parsifal Stevens was what really brought that adorable semi-fictional sentient loogie to life.

You liked the return of Spitball? I guess it was okay, if you like reading crap. I stopped reading McGorester years ago; he hasn't done anything good since the Extreme version of The Snack Packs. And other than that, what has he written worthwhile? That mini he wrote where Commandant Breakdance was raised in Colombia and became the leader of a drug cartel only to be revealed that it all took place inside a snowglobe inside a crackfic story was interesting, but we all know he stole the idea from Smarkinsdale.

Ever since Zombie Movie: The Graphic Novel was picked up to be made in to a movie when he was part way through scripting issue 2 he's been starting film pitches, excuse me, comics, and then abandoning them once they get a movie deal.

And don't get me started on his "comedy" Help Me Help You Help Mussolini and the sequel Help Me Help You Help Mussolini Help Hitler. UGH.

Well, of course, none of his new stuff is any good. McGorester only writes anything worthwhile when he's miserable; Gods That Weep in The Shower at 2 A.M. was the greatest arc of any of the comics on the Tin Lotus imprint; Clive Cuchulainn, forced to deal with the consequences of his own immortality as the last of the Silent Age version of the Anti-Crime Club is murdered off one by one by Killoccoccus, the Bacterium from Before TIme. That was genius, that was art, written as all twelve of McGorester's conjoined uncles lay dying from the failure of their thirteenth and last shared heart. That was McGorester in his prime!

I can't speak for the Extreme version of the Snack Packs; the Extreme line was never to my taste, too much salsa and post-re-de-re-constructionist treatment. His comedy is actually very good if you get some of the historical context, but Zombie Movie? Total tripe, but the original seventies version by Drake Turgidhaussen? That's a comic that needs to be read.

I do like Smarkinsdale. His underground work on Piss Puddle: Tales from an Abject Failure is an exercise in grotesqueries that still manages to tell the tale of a man with nothing to his name but a hangover and the ability to speak to cities in Swedish.

[chudleycannonfodder]

Hey, have any of you guys (and gals, L-O-L) read the latest Command + Control + Power? They did a strip on Eternity Squared where that girl character says she doesn't understand E^2 and Mike's all "Dur, your a girl!" It was pretty funny.

Much better than We'll Always Be Enemies where Hayley and Blagoey were all like "the tie-ins are contradicting the main series and also giving away events and deaths because they're coming out too early because the main series is delayed because the writer stopped part way through to work on a movie project." What twats. We all know that it's supposed to be contradictory because that's all part of the plan; the series is about time, so of course the 39 different writers and editors were able to coordinate so that nothing fits together properly. It'll all be explained in the special 4D Kid Centipede tie-in. Sometimes I think everyone's too stupid to understand how deep event comics can go.

And how can they complain about the movie deal Neil Decimal has?! There's no way someone could make a living from writing five of the top twenty selling comics in the country (including the biggest selling event comic in the past six and a half years) so of course he'd have to work on adapting "Heir to the Legacy of the Prophecy of Darkness: Part One; Enter:: The Prophecy of Darkness's Legacy's Heir" for Hollywood to break even.

[MisterSmith]

Personally, I miss Fraün Bernando's presence in mainstream comics. After my first reading of his IF FATE BE MY DESTINY GN, I was a fan for life. But every time I see him mentioned, the topic just keeps going back to bitch about "THE FLOOD OF FOREVER," and I think everyone knows editorial interference screwed him up. He had completely different plans for TROUT MAN AND THE HYDRATION X. For one, Trout Man wasn't supposed to be a man with trout powers, but (in fact) a trout with man powers. It completely changes everything.

For the past couple years, he had been dabbling in the supernatural and I was loving that, too. SATAN'S PUTTY was simultaneously haunting and beautiful, and I think the humor in STUPID POULTRY GEIST made a nice companion piece, even if the tones weren't all that similar. But I think his upcoming title (INSPECTOR CEE YU: DOCTOR DETECTIVE) is going to knock everyone's socks off.

[Alfonso Granito-Byrne]

Torris Tanbull dropped off the grid to teach art in Seattle for a minute, and the rumor has it that he flipped out a bit. He started producing underground greatness like SPONGEPLUNGER and PAM LAMB IS ON THE LAM, the latter mistaken for a children's book and ordered in large numbers as part of a No Child Left Behind reading initiative.

Given that Torris was actually producing these things on a hand-crank press in his basement, and probably also due to his rather severe crystal meth habit, the poor bastard broke his wrist trying to crank out (no pun intended) the 78,000 copies that he had already cashed the check for.

Of course, the PAM LAMB book is literally nothing but really violent, exquisitely-detailed barnyard porn from panel one to panel last, so the 1300 copies that actually saw print were promptly shredded, burnt, glued back together and shredded again. Luckily, Torris had already been institutionalized, which is probably the only thing that kept him from a lengthy prison sentence.

He's on MySpace.

By the way, I may have come on a little strong. I do enjoy some mainstream books. Sherm Farley's Frontier Dinocologist series is good, and I'm finding things to like about the current run of Furious Wanghammer.

(08-20-2011 10:51 AM)jordjevic Wrote:  

(08-20-2011 10:22 AM)TribeOne Wrote:  Their spin-off series are some of my favorite books of all time. Especially the ones Brick Hollandaise wrote during his seven year hunger strike.

I always found those to be a little preachy what with the trans-atlantic Soap Ship voyage (especially when they had to stop the pygmies from killing that village of wallet makers by holding a Goat Luau) , but the art definitely shined through. I even liked their back-up guy, Torris? Torris Tanbull? Was that the guy? I wonder what he's up to these days.

[JustLukeJohnson]

Not really an event, but is anyone else excited about Kurte Daber's new series "-_-"?
I mean, dialogue only in memes seems like it wouldn't work, but the sample pages got me interested.

[tredlow]

Uhh... No mention on the new Bat Man series? And how he's gonna go back to the original wooden baseball bat rather than the tacky, needlessly-gritty aluminum one?

[Frankenstein's Monster]

(08-21-2011 01:06 AM)tredlow Wrote:  Uhh... No mention on the new Bat Man series? And how he's gonna go back to the original wooden baseball bat rather than the tacky, needlessly-gritty aluminum one?

Also, the Cricketing Gentleman back-up stories are back after like what, 10 years?
I hear Pieface Arondovgovovskivitch is tying up all these threads, including the return of Captain Cuestick, into a new Bat Man Team ongoing. Which could mean, now that the original Racquet Ranger is now Joystick Jennie, and RacRanger II is the 'gritty' Shuttle, could there be a new Racquet Ranger?

[JustLukeJohnson]

(08-21-2011 01:43 AM)Frankensteins Monster Wrote:  

(08-21-2011 01:06 AM)tredlow Wrote:  Uhh... No mention on the new Bat Man series? And how he's gonna go back to the original wooden baseball bat rather than the tacky, needlessly-gritty aluminum one?

Also, the Cricketing Gentleman back-up stories are back after like what, 10 years?
I hear Pieface Arondovgovovskivitch is tying up all these threads, including the return of Captain Cuestick, into a new Bat Man Team ongoing. Which could mean, now that the original Racquet Ranger is now Joystick Jennie, and RacRanger II is the 'gritty' Shuttle, could there be a new Racquet Ranger?

Captain Cuestick is returning?! Does this mean that Billiards Boy is coming back as well, or is he going to carry on as 8-Ball in the Ingrid Castalight series?